dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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