I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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