Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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