What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
