lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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