I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
