So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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