so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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