I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
