It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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