Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
