I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize