I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
