im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
