yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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