I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
