i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
