I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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