This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My dick has a subreddit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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