You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
