you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
