Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Randomize
