After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
