Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i out mim tonsoeep
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