I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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