I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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