oh fat girl friday strikes again...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
