After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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