is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
