i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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