I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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