found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
