Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
