I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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