Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He did a backflip because drugs
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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