this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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