I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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