How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
