I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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