i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Come see our sink grown plant.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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