The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
