i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
