i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
