so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
