Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
