She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
