Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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