She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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