Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
