My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We are all done wearing pants today
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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