one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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