I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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