dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
MIDGETS
????
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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