My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
