I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
