I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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