I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
