Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
