Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sarcasm needs its own font
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
