I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
