some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
