Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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