and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
