I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
