Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
