Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
