my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Shame is for Republicans.
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